08/03/07 missing you so much baby girl...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)
hey baby, it's just mom, stopping by to say hi. gosh i miss you! i was running around like a mad woman today getting things for aunt connie and i just know that you would have enjoyed the heck out of it all! i still remember that last shopping trip of ours... at walmart... remember me pushing you in the wheelcair while you were pushing the shopping cart??? lol you didn't know i could push you that fast did you? lol i love you so much baby. the memories i have of you are so precious to me. i hold them to me hungrily, wishing i had more of them. i still wish you were here, but healthy and happy, not sick. i would never wish you to be sick ever again. yes, i know i can't have you back. i can hear you right now saying "mom, you're such a dork!" and yes, i am! lol i just miss my girl. and i am really missing all of the what if's and could have been's too. i feel so cheated. i wish i could have seen you experience all of life's moments and milestones. but i don't think anything would ever make me any prouder than i was/am of how you fought against cancer and it's affects. you are a shining example to me baby. i remember it always. i promised you that i would be alright, and for the most part, i am. there are moments when it really gets to me, but i get through them with everyone's help and you nudging me along. oh, your aunt renee called me today and was laughing because she says you've been bugging her again! lol you just keep it up baby! lol she needs someone to keep her on her toes! lol grandma is doing good, alex is home and doing good too. ann is working too many hours, as always, but managing. aunt connie is really doing well! i know you are watching over her too. as you know, chris is home from afghanistan. you know that PT is just pleased as punch to have him home again! and elena is just overjoyed to have her daddy home with her! keep your eyes on your brother baby, pull some heavenly strings for him. k? jesse is still over in korea and doing pretty good. he's keeping busy and staying out of trouble for the most part! lol he just turned 21, and you know jesse! lol i talked to your daddy not long ago. he sounds like he's doing alright. he sure does miss you alot. i know it's really hard for him, he was always the very best daddy. he still is. let him know you are close to him baby. he needs you too. well, i guess i've rambled enough. i just have to come by every now and then and talk to you. well, you know that i talk to you all the time anyway, but this is different. i love you so very much baby, you know that. and i miss you more and more every day it seems. sometimes i get so angry and not having you with me! it just isn't fair! but i have to stop myself from being that way, because if spend all my time being angry, i dont' ever accomplish anything else. and that is what is truly unfair. i promised you that everything you went through wouldn't be for nothing. and i meant it baby. i love you. i love you so very much.  Close

6/12/07... I MISS YOU!!!!!!!  / Kanaiah Koutz (Friend)
Hey baby girl I got an e-mail from your mom today. It was nice to hear form her, she said everyone is doing fine, but i am sure you already know that...I miss you so much, there are so many things i want to share with you, If I just had one more moment in time with you it still would not have been a enough, i guess that i am selfish and want you here... sorry baby i love you always....Big sis Kanaiah Close

6/11/07... just saying hello my sweet girl...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momm)
hey there sweet girl... lol... was just going to ask how you were doing... lol... old habits die hard, oh well, i know you are doing just fabulous! thanks for keeping in tune with alex... i love when he makes that connection and recognizes it is you. he misses you so much. i just still can't believe so much time has past and that you are truly gone. it never seems to feel any more fair than it did to begin with. *sigh* you would have graduated from high school just last week... and we would have been planning the party for your 18th birthday coming up on july 25th. and we would probably be arguing over why you couldn't go out and party with your friends... afterall you graduated and are out of school, and you're ALMOST 18 afterall... lol... i can just imagine it! that famous attitude. i'd gladly welcome it! patricia and elena just went back home on saturday. it was great having them here, having time to spend with them, having grammy be able to spend time with them. precious precious time. one thing that you can't regain once it's gone/past. elena is growing up so fast! she is just 2-1/2 but she's talking in full sentences and she really thinks about things and asks questions, it's amazing. and she is soooo tall! she's the size of a 4 yr old! and she still remembers you. but of course you probably have alot to do with that huh? *smiling* grandma (grammy) is doing pretty good. she's over her second bout with pneumonia since getting here at the end of april. she really likes her room and hopefully now that she is feeling better we can start unpacking some of her stuff so she can really turn her room into "her" space. it's great having her so close. kara and sierra still think about you alot, i see them comment or talk to them via email or the phone. you know kara is living on her own now with her boyfriend, she's growing up too! can't stop any of you from growing up! lol and sierra has precious little angel elaine who is growing like crazy and now baby number 2 is on the way! i know you keep an eye on all of them too. i'm working with lynn to get our support group off the ground. i see rodney every now and then he's just as great as ever. and i talked to ryan last week, ann and i chuckled and remembered what a crush you had on him for a while. we doing lots of things to the new house, have lots of plans for future projects too. it's wonderful knowing that we don't ever have to move unless we truly want to. i know you would have loved living in this house. it's everything we had ever hoped for/wanted for so many years, and i never forget that. mother's day was difficult. with you in heaven and chris in afhanistan, jesse in korea... it was good to have patricia, grandma and aunt connie here to focus on. still seemed pretty empty. and now father's day is coming up. i have something i'm working on for your daddy/comm. he was and always will be your daddy. i told both of you i would never take that away from either one of you, and i won't ever quit acknowledging that even now that you have passed on into another life.  father's day is still hard to deal with since papa passed away, but you make sure to give him a hug for me ok? i miss you both so much. well, i guess i've rambled on long enough. i love you baby, i love you so much. my heart still aches with the want of holding you in them. i keep you close in thought and heart baby. as always. good night baby. Close

3/7/07... life, love and change...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)
well, baby girl, here i am at grandma's house. we're getting things sorted out and figuring out what she wants to pack and take with her when we get her moved out to kansas city with us. she is so excited, and so are we! it is hard going through everything here though... so many memories! all of mama el's stuff is still here, all of papa's stuff is still here, and of course all of grandma's stuff. but there is also stuff from when i was little, that i remember... it's kind of wierd and nice at the same time. grandma and i talk about you and papa alot. i think it helps, both of us. keep your heavenly eyes on your aunt connie baby, she's having alot of upset right now. but i'm sure you know that already. i'm not there to help her, and i know she has to learn to deal with things on her own. but we love her and do worry about her alot. i look up and i can see your picture on the shelf beside grandma's tv in the living room. my sweet girl. i love and miss you so much baby. you are so dear to my heart, and always present. sending angel hugs and kisses to you my sweet girl. 

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3/1/07... Comment  / Pam Murry-Hopkins (none)
Just a note to tell you what a BEAUTIFUL job you have done in honoring your Daughter. I enjoyed yor tribute so much and feel like I knew her. Amanda was indeed special. You have also inspired me to attempt to set up a tribute for my brothers who both left us too soon.God bless and keep you and your family. Close

2/19/07... thinking about you... missing you...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)
hello my girl, i love you so much. everytime i look at that sweet face of yours it makes me smile. grandma is counting down the days till i fly out to help her get everything in order to move her out here. she is so excited! i can't wait, it will be so great to have her around close again. we are getting more and more settled in the new house, and i feel you close to me/us so often. i do miss you physically being here with me baby. being able to hug you and look at your beautiful face, i miss being able to do things with you, even if it is just watch tv or a movie. it' ssems so unfair. this should have been your senior year... we should be planning your prom and graduation. we should be shopping for your first car, checking out colleges and all that stuff. i think what i'll miss most is seeing you fall in love, get engaged, planning your wedding and reception, and seeing you through your first pregnancy and giving birth to your first child, watching you set up your first home. ok, so that is alot of stuff... lets' face it, i'm missing everything about having you here with me/us. i will miss you for the rest of my life. but i will see you again some day. so, wait for me baby... and you and papa plan some totally heavely things for us to do. you'll have to show me around ya know. i love you so much baby. i love you so very much. Close

2/8/07... lots of changes going on...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)
well baby, lots of changes going on, as i'm sure you know. i've gone back to using my maiden name, which i know you'd be glad about. we are settling into the new house, wish you were here to share this wonderful space with us. i know you'd love it. you wish is finally a reality. we have our own home. we never have to move again unless we truly want to. i'm getting ready to leave at the end of the month to go to grandma's house in calif. will probably spend about a month there helping her sort through her things and pack up what she wants to keep and help her find new homes for what she doesn't want/need anymore. then i'm bringing her back here with me and she is going to live with us! isn't that great?! she's so excited and so are we! it will be so nice to have her close again. and i know it will do her good too. she talks about you alot. especially the fact that she was able to make it out here and spend a whole day with you before you were on the ventolator those last two weeks. that day you two spent together is so precious to her. she misses you and papa so much. but she is so glad that you both are in a better place and not sick or hurting anymore. i'm glad too. i love you so much baby. i miss you terribly. it hurts so much to have you gone from our life, but i wouldn't give up a single day that you were here with us. i cherish each and every day you were here! i feel you near me, and know that you are always close. i love you my sweet girl, so very very much. {{{{angel hugs and kisses}}} coming your way baby. share them with my daddy, ok? love, momma Close

1/7/07... so many memories every time i turn around baby...  / Rhonda Cox (Momma)
well my sweet girl, as you know we are getting ready to move... into our very own house! i know you have got to be so happy, it was so important to you that it's what you were going to ask the "Make a Wish" people for! i told you that they weren't going to do something like that, but you were determined! lol you said that if they were going to ask you what you wished for, you were going to tell them the truth, that you wanted our family to have a house of our own so we didn't always have to be moving and living in other peoples houses. well, your wish is happening sweetie. even though the "Make a Wish" people never showed up. you must be pulling some heavenly strings on your end sweetie! thank you! i'm sorting through things and packing and repacking... i did this last year when we moved from the apartment to this house... but i don't really remember doing alot of it. some of the things, that i know i packed, i look at and it's like i'm seeing it/them for the first time. no tears really, just sweet memories... i'm finding notes you wrote, pictures you drew, school assignments, pictures, etc. all of it bringing many many feelings to me, but i can smile and feel you so close. i know you're staying close to your brother chris too. afghanistan is a long way away from here... but it's not very far away for you. whisper in his ear once in a while baby, remind him how much we love him and how proud we are of him. remind him that you are there, that you love him. some day, i will get together all the notes and pictures you wrote and drew about him, and give them to him in a book for him to keep. i don't think he is ready just yet. but someday, it will be the right time. i love you so much baby... i love you so much... oh how i wish telling you that and hearing you say "i love you so much too momma". you're sweet voice. i can hear it, feel it, and i keep it close in my heart. sending angel hugs and kisses to you my girl. give my daddy a hug and kiss for me too, ok? i miss him so much too. :-)

love, 
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So many things, too many that words can't describe!  / David Kueneman (Good Friend )
There are so many things that I remember about you, even if the time that we got to spend together was so short. Our long late night conversations, my groof butt making you smile, to the time when you moved, and there were like 2 years that passed. Even after that we found each other, and it was like we hadn't missed a step. Then you got sick..... You told me not to worry, because everything was going to be ok, and that you were going to comeback to Az, and hang out with all of your friends, like you use to. Well, now you can, you can hang out with all of your friends, you family, not in the physical world no but in thier hearts. We'll always love you Amanda, I want to send condolences to Amanda's family, and her mom. I know she was as special to you guys as she was to all of us her friends. But keep your heads up high, we'll all meet again. Always know that she is looking down on us from Heaven smiling. Close

Mousetrap / Megan Mabry (Amie)

God, its been years. And although we were only near each other for a short time, you are just one of those people no one ever forgets, hun. 

Each time I think of you I have this vivid image of you, Alli and I sitting in my basement-come-bedroom, and the three of us laughing almost hard enough to pee ourselves right there. To this day I cannot remember what in the world could have been so funny as we leaned over that dingy mousetrap game, but I DO know that I can't look at that game with out thinking of you. 

Its uncanny really. 

Do you remember that night Alex and my brother raced down the drastically steep driveway across the street? I remember Alex smoked him. And to this day Fredinand INSISTS he only won because he fell. He still has the scars. I remember standing to the side with you and urging them not to do it. Two seconds later as they were hurtling down the hill, we were on the ground laughing our butts off. 

So many things. I won't bore you though. Just know that you have forever impacted my life, and that is all there is to it. 

Sprinkle some confetti hugs and kisses down this way for your family, okay? I know they all need it. 

Sans fin, mon amie. Forever.

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Miss you so much baby...  / Rhonda Cox (Momma)

i miss you so much baby, that never goes away. i know i always will. i cherish each and every memory i have of you, good times and not so good times too! lol we're looking for a house to buy, but you know that already, don't you? lol well, we need some heavenly guidance and intervention along the way, so keep a watch out for us as i'm sure you always do. i know it was a dream of yours that we someday would have our very own house so we didn't have to move from one place to another. i'm just sorry we couldn't make that happen while you were here with us baby. but i know you'll be smiling when it finally does happen. 

you know sierra had her baby, very early!, but little angel is doing great and is home with her family now! it's so amazing! and remember whitney? she just had a baby girl last week! her name is madison and she is such a cutie! whitney's brother cory became the father of a sweet baby boy a week or so ago, they named him jaden (not sure if i'm spelling that right or not!) and now whitney's sister stephanie is pregnant, and not feeling very well either! babies babies everywhere! my goodness!

if she hasn't already looked you up, i'm sure she will soon... beth from church joined your heavenly numbers a couple weeks ago. and do you remember your fathers friend bill? probably not, i don't think you ever saw him while you were growing up. but he was around when i was pregnant with you! lol he said goodbye to this life last week. babies arriving here, people joining you there... kind of like a grand exchange student organization! lol

and guess what? after we get a house and move in and get settled.. grandma is coming to stay with us! she'll have her own room and bath all to herself. it will be so good to be around her and be able to sit and visit with her. and it will be good for her to be around other people, people that love and care about her. she doesn't need someone to take care of her, just needs to be around family, ya know? did you have anything to do with persuading her to do that? somehow i think you did! thank you! 

well, enough out of me for now baby. i just love and miss you so much. i am doing much better than i was. give my daddy a hug and kiss for me ok? i'm sure you two are keeping each other quite good company! 

sending you heavenly {{{hugs & kisses}}} baby...

love, momma

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ATC / Diane Yi (new friend )
Dear Amanda:  Usually they are called Artist Trading Cards...but yours will be special because it is A Tribute Card.  Your mom will be receiving it soon.  What a deep and loving heart she has!  Love, Diane Close

Your Angel Day...  / Rhonda Cox (Momma)
well baby, i/we made it through your 1st angel day anniversary. i only had a few breakdowns, but that's natural. me, ann, alex and trishy went to the buffet for dinner and we sat around talking about funny stories that had to do with you. it was really nice. trishy remembered you going to the lake with them and going really fast out on the lake. alex remembered you taking the car and him across the street to the car wash in georgia when you were 12 and he was 9. ann remembered the time you had to go to the ER after judo class because you had back spasms, and we were all making jokes and every time you laughed you would wiggle all around in the chair like a jelly fish, we laughed so hard and everybody stared at us! i remembered you hitting junior over the head with a little chair when you were 4 because you thought he was hurting your big brother!  and the time when you were about a year and a half old and you crawled out of your car seat and put the car in drive. and when that little boy kept trying to handcuff you with his toy handcuffs and you kept telling him no, you finally had enough and just clocked him a good one! lol you never were one to take much crap! lol i love you so much baby. it's so hard to believe that you've been gone a year. you know, elena picks up your picture, points to you and says "manna? manna?" and we tell her yes, that's aunt 'manda, and she smiles so big. she knows you, she remembers you, and i know she knows you are still around her. your daddy is making a myspace page in your honor/memory. it's really neat. he loves you and misses you so much too. jesses called today, so did chris, aunt donna, aunt connie, maureen, aunt renee and uncle mike, talked to sheila, lindsey and trishy, and of course i talked to grandma. everyone thinks about you and misses you. we're never going to forget what a wonderful thing it was to have you in our lives. oh, i talked to sammi the other day, and sierra too. they are going to come over sometime. i also talked to the girl in phoenix who started the "save the goldfish!" thing. lol... she said that she misses you too. hey! i finally found victoria. she doesn't know you are gone yet. i haven't had the chance to tell her what happened. it just seems so brutal to just blurt out that you are dead. you know? i should have called kara. i will tomorrow. i just didn't want to interrupt any birthday celebration they are having. i know she said this was your day to celebrate with her, and i knew she meant it, so i know you were close to her today. well, baby, i have to get some sleep. i'll dream sweet dreams of you. stay close, let me know you're here once in a while when i get down baby. i know you already do that, i just thought i'd mention it. lol bye for now baby. i love you and miss you so very much. you are always in my heart and mind. sending {{{angel hugs}}} your way.

love you always, in all ways,

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oh my sweet baby... to hear your voice again...  / Rhonda Cox (Momma)
oh my baby... one year ago... that was the last time i heard your sweet voice... you were in the hospital, but were feeling better... grandma had just gotten here the day before you were so happy to get to see her, and she was so happy to see you too! i had some errands to run with ann, and we went to get sandwiches. you and grandma had such a nice visit together... she still talks about how thankful she is that the two of you had that time together. you told me to take grandma home and let her get some sleep cause she was tired... and we needed to get some sleep too,  and that you'd see us tomorrow. it had been so long since i'd left you at night. things had been so rough, you'd been so sick and wanted me near you, so i stayed right with you. remember the story about the little monsters halloween? i asked you if you were sure it was ok for us to leave and come back the next day... you said yes it was alright. when we left, you were sitting on your bed, watching tv and playing on your computer, eating your dinner. later that night, the phone rang about 9:30... it was the nurse telling us that you had had another asthma attack and that they were going to give you a breathing treatment. i asked if you were ok, if you wanted me/us to come back up there... she said that you had told her to tell us to get some sleep and you'd see us in the morning. everything felt ok, we went back to sleep, knowing we'd see you in the morning. then the phone rang again, waking us up, at 1:30 in the morning. it was the nurse again... she said that they'd had to give you another breathing treatment, but it hadn't worked very well... so they were going to try a different treatment... the bi-pap machine. i immediately had a flash of a knowing smile as i told them we'd be right there. i hung up, getting out of bed and telling ann what was going on at the same time. we knew you hated that machine! you had to use it before and just hated it! i knew you'd be mad and/or upset, so we headed up to be with you to see if we could offer our support. we are only 10 short minutes away from KU. not far at all. no traffic that time of night. no parking problems. we were there in no time at all. we went straight up to the PICU and a nurse buzzed us in. your room was the first one on the left, right inside the door. i was in the unit and at your doorway before anyone could say anything to me. i remember feeling as though my legs would buckle out from under me. and all i could say was "why?" over and over and over again. it felt like i was screaming it, but i wasn't. everything seemed to spin and feel so dark. i saw you laying in your bed, totally sedated and on a ventolator. all i could think of was that i was never going to hear my baby's voice again. not ever. something inside me just knew. they explained that you had too much trouble breathing. that you were struggling so much and it was getting worse quickly. you tried using the bi-pap machine, really tried, without complaining at all... but it wasn't enough. you were hurting too much. they explained to you that if you couldn't do the bi-pap machine, they would have to sedate you and do the ventolator to help you breathe. they said you asked if they could wait till your mom got there... even as bad as you felt, as hard as it was to breathe, you thought of me baby... thank you... but they said they couldn't wait anymore, it was too much, you were struggling too much.. finally you said ok, for them to please do it, do the ventolator and help you breathe because you couldn't do it anymore. so they did. so fast. it all happened so fast. just a few short minutes. i am so sorry i wasn't there with you baby. so sorry you had to go through that alone. but i know you know that we got there, that we were there with you as quickly as we could be. and i stayed with you for the next 12 days... the last 12 days of your life. i have relived these events over and over in my mind all day today. it is so hard baby. i miss you so much! the next few weeks are going to be pretty difficult... this first year has been really hard, and it's not getting any easier, it gets harder as the days go by actually. somedays seem better than others, and some seem so dark it's hard to see from one minute to the next. one moment things are alright, and the next i'm disolving into a puddle of tears. am i crazy? am i truly going insane? will life ever fall into any  normal pattern again? will the pain ever go away or even lessen at all??? i love you so much baby. so very very much. that is the one thing that i know will never ever change. i am so blessed to have had you in my life. so very blessed. help me baby... every cell in my being is crying out in pain right now... Close

My baby girl is here.........  / Sierra An Angel Beary (Sister)
Hey sis,
      My baby is here, sooner than planned but its ok...shes doing great, some ups and downs but more ups then anything. i know you are watching over us and making sure things go right.... we named her angel cuz everything she went through and is still going through shes a lil angel... we all knew she had a tons of guardian angels watching over her, so thats how we came up with her name....
just watch over us and help me threw this, its hard. it dont seem right to not be pregnant anymore but have no baby by my side, you know... but soon she will be right next to me all the time...
she was born 10-11-06 at 6:12a.m. weighing 2 lbs. 8 oz.  now weighing 2 lbs. 5.7 oz. which is normal to lose and then gain... she is doing great for bein around 2 months premature...i love you and miss you so much. i wish you could be here to see her and see her grow up... 
your mom came up to childrens mercy the other day and saw her and took pictures. shes a grandma, amanda...!!! :):) lol
she was so amazed and happy... im glad she and ann both have been there for me, if it wasnt for you i wouldnt know 2 best moms in the world. we love you and miss you.
you know some days i think you died and i got pregnant after wards unexpecting for a reason...i think your coming back as angel:)...i dont know its kinda crazy but somedays i think that......
anyways, im just talking.....lol
i love you and miss you so dearly..
love you sissy!!!
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sending a note to my angel girl...  / Rhonda Cox (Momma)
hello my girl... it's just momma... i can't believe that next month will make it a year that you've been gone... doesn't seem possible, but then again, yes... it seems like an eternity... it's been a difficult summer... with me being sick and having surgery, then getting through your birthday, papa's birthday and my birthday... and then getting through the whole back-to-school thing... that was a tough one. iv'e been talking with sierra off and on through the summer, and we're going to her baby shower later this month... i wish i would have had a chance to see you have children... you always loved kids so much, and were so good with them. it's going to be a bittersweet moment when sierra's baby arrives (they don't know what it is yet!), knowing how close the two of you were... i know you would have been right there for her. soon i will be flying down to visit chris, patricia and the baby for a few days. yes, i realize she's not exactly a baby anymore... she'll be 2 in december! but she's still a baby to me. she gets to come back with me to stay and visit us grandmas for a while, i'm so excited! she'll be here for halloween (we're going to be witches!) and for thanksgiving, and for her birthday. patricia will be out here to visit for a couple days and for elenas birthday and then they will fly home together. it will be really neat to spend time with elena, she's growing up so fast! she's only been gone 2-1/2 months and i know i'm going to be shocked when i am finally around her again! lol she's talking so much, and insists on calling me several times a week! sometimes she babbles away, and sometimes only a few words, but i cherish each and every one of them. you know, that baby absolutely adored you... and i know you felt the same way about her! i know she's little, but we'll make sure she gets to know her aunt 'manda as she grows up, ok? that will be a pleasure. i can just hear it now... when she's visiting "the grandmas"... 'garma (that's what she calls me now! lol), tell me the story about when aunt 'manda was a baby and she drove the car and my daddy saved her!", or "garma, tell me the story of when aunt 'manda learned to ride her bike without training wheels and she got the big purple bump on her forehead.", or "garma, tell me again how brave and strong aunt 'manda was when she was sick... and tell me about the mardi gras beads! you have them here in this box, can i wear them again?" or "garma, tell me about aunt 'manda when she had her blue-black mohawk! lol"... yes, it will be a lifetime of memories and stories to tell... all very precious and interesting! i'm building a memory book... each page will be a different memory or event in your life. alex is doing good, he's had a great start to his school year, you'd be proud of him. and he just loves his mohawk... it's faded red right now, but we've got the dye to color it with, maybe this weekend. patricia says that she is convinced that you are around and she can feel your presence. i told her that i'm sure you are and you're just letting her know that you're still there. i think it just catches her off-guard sometimes! lol jesse is visiting this weekend from the army, it's good to see him. he's doing good and will be coming back to visit us for a couple weeks at christmas. then he goes to korea for a year... he's already started learning korean! you know how good he has always been with languages! i have no doubt he will be speaking it very well! so much is going on, and there is always a piece missing... you... we go through the days, we work, play, have school... we enjoy things, events, etc. it just would have been so nice if you were here too. although it's been almost a year... the pain is still there... the tears are still there (just not always on the surface)... the actual physical pain of my heart missing you... the ache of my arms that want to hug you... the sudden gut wrenching feeling i get when i have an automatic thought of "oh amanda's got to see this!" or "she'll love this, i've got to get it" or "amanda would love that movie!"... and then realize you can't, cause you're not here with us anymore. i know i'll see you again someday... and i know you are alrignt... the grief is for me, for us, for the loss of you. and i know that is so selfish, but i can't help it. you know what else i miss? telling you "i love you so much baby" and you're reply " i love you so much too momma"... i can close my eyes and hear you, i can see your lips move with the words... for a while after you died, i was in a panic because i couldn't quite remember your voice... i couldn't remember your face and features... i was so afraid it would stay that way! but it didn't, it was just the shock of it all... i am so greatful that i have the memories of you, with me, with our family... and i am so glad that you are still near, that i hear from you in different little ways... it means so much to me. well, i've rambled on and on too much. even though i know i can just talk to you out loud or even silently... it feel good to write it down sometimes, so i come here to do it. i know you don't mind. i love you so much baby... *S*... and i miss you so much too. give my daddy a hug for me, and help keep a watch over us all. sending you angel hugs and kisses... momma Close

Missing you  / Ann Pettit (('nother Mom) )
Amanda, I haven't written anything here berfore.  Not really sure why.  But, today I feel compelled to say somthing, why today, don't know. 

I miss you.  Alex is dying his mohawk blue-black today.  I remember when you had a blue-black mohawk.  You would hardly believe how big Alex is getting. He is taller than your Momma. 

Jesse is doing well.  He is in AIT, at Ft. Eustis, WV.  He is sounding real good.  He has been thooght alot lately. 

We all miss you very much.  You made such an impact on so many pepole while you we with us.  There isn't a day that goes by that you aren't thought of and spoken about.   I am helping Alex with pre-algebra and I keep thinking of you when we worked on it.  Remember when math finally clicked for you?  You were so tickled about it. 

Well, I feel like I am rambling, but I didn't think you would mind. 

I love you.

Ann, 'nother Mom Close

My Prayers to you and yours....  / Cheryl Johnson (just another soul here in the world )

What an awesomely, glorious tribute!  God Bless your heart!  

I have been ill for a few years and recently I researched my symptoms and was afraid I had Leukemia.  I was hospitalized on 8/19/06 and was diagnosed with "ITP".  

I recently joined crazy lady'd HHH and found this memorial.  I believe in the connections we all have and wish you all the best.  I am there for any need you have.

Sincerely,
Cher

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One extreme or another...  / Rhonda Cox (Momma)
hey my sweet girl... oh how i miss you! there just aren't enough of the right words to explain how empty this world/life is without you in it. but oh how blessed we were to have you here for a while and to have such memories of you to hold in our hearts! and yes, even the memories of the rough times we had from time to time. it all adds up to who we are. 

sometimes i can talk about you, tell stories about you, explain about you getting sick and then losing you, without shedding a tear. i am calm and so steady... but then there are times that i can hardly speak because there is a huge lump in my throat and i know as soon as i utter one single word the flood of tears will start. sometimes that lasts for days or even weeks. there's very rarely any in the middle about it. i'm either dealing with it well, or not dealing with it well at all! but you know me. i'll get through it. and i know you are with me baby. i can feel you so close to me, and i know that i will see you again some day. 

life is a funny thing... we learn so much from it... even after it ends...  the memories of you, who you were when you were with us in this life, the things you did, the poetry you wrote... experiences i can look back on now and understand but didn't have a clue about when they were happening... all of it works together... all of it continues to teach me, to help me understand some things better, it all gives me new insight into who you were as a person. 

we are all working together to get through this... some days are harder than other... but we're doing it. thanks for letting us know from time to time that you are near. i love you and miss you so.

Hug everybody for me, till i can do it myself! Close

I love you so...  / Sierra An Baby Beary (Sis)
Hey sis, 
      you kno one of the times I recently talked to mom (Rhonda) after my sonogram. We werent able to see wat the baby was and I told mom and you kno wat we agreed on. You are talkin to and havin my baby give me trouble ( in a good way ) cuz you arent here to do it yourself. Just please keep looking over me and baby an make sure everything goes right. I really wish you was here for me to share these things with you an let you be there with me through everything like always. But I know one thing, you are there in spirits. And like I tell everyone I will NEVER have another best friend cuz you are my best friend and no matter wat NO ONE will EVER take that from me or you!! Just keep watching over me and baby and take good care of us please...... Close